


hiraeth

by 10koi



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, everyone's jealous lol, insecure, jk but those two are, jumins jealous, mc's jealous, rika sucks lmao, this is 12837120th fic titled hiraeth lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 11:18:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16891590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10koi/pseuds/10koi
Summary: Jumin gets jealous, his threads are in the process of untangling, you (his fiancee) doubt his love. And he gets a call from Alaska, Rika needs support. What will he do? What will you do?a/n: set in seven’s route, everything’s the same except seven and mc are best friends and jumin and mc are together. therefore, things didn’t happen the same way they did in jumin’s route.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: set in seven’s route, everything’s the same except seven and mc are best friends and jumin and mc are together. therefore, things didn’t happen the same way they did in jumin’s route.

Saeran was lying down on the couch, eyes glued to the screen of his Nimtendo DS. Deft fingers moved from one button to another, the sounds from the device being the only ones filling the room. You were sitting on the opposite couch to his, just watching the other twin play, waiting for Saeyoung to come with a bowl of Honey Buddha Chips.  
          You were currently at Saeyoung’s place to plan some stuff out for the upcoming RFA party.

           “ _What are you thinking? You lost or something?”_ you were indeed lost in though until the redhead’s voice snapped you out of your reverie.

           “ _Took you long enough,”_  you teased.

          Seven simply scoffed and dumped the bowl between your crossed legs before letting himself fall on the couch right next to you. 

          “ _You should feel honored by my fabulous presce- OUCH!”_ he exclaimed in an indignant tone of voice when you pinched his cheek.

 _“You’re really really smart but like… you can be so dumb sometimes,”_  you wiggled your eyebrows at him and stuck your tongue out. 

          He let out a soft chuckle and threw some chips at you, making you gasp loudly. You eyed him, then Saeran with a happy gleam in your eyes and suddenly you were reminded of the events that happened a year and a half ago, your throat suddenly feeling tight.

 

          As if on cue the man next to you poked your cheek gently as a concerned frown adorned his face. He was such a great friend.

          “ _What’s wrong, (y/n)?”_ he said. 

          You bit your bottom lip, unable to lie to his face, “ _I just thought of what happened back then… I just… I’m happy that you were reunited with your brother but even though I didn’t know him as long as you did… V just deserved so much better.”_

          Your voice was quiet enough for Saeran not overhear your conversation. Seven’s eyes immediately found your own and you could  _feel_  the guilt overflowing his body. 

          “ _But, it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but Rika’s,”_ you added, “ _She refused help, she abused V, she corrupted Saeran. It’s just… It sucks I guess.”_

          You grabbed Seven’s hand and gave it a comforting squeeze before looking over at Saeran who still had his eyes glued to his game. You were truly glad that the twins were able to reunite. They both deserved it.

          Seven nodded once before sighing and standing up, beckoning you to follow him. You brushed the crumbs from the chips off your lap and followed your friend into his room. You noticed that there was his car-shaped bed, a couple of bookshelves, a nightstand, a TV, and some stars glued to the ceiling. His room was simple and quite messy.  
            
          ‘ _He truly is like a child,’_ you thought.

          Saeyoung grabbed something that looked like a photo album from his bookshelf. It was weird. You never took him as the person to have photo albums.  
          He walked towards his bed and sat down, placing the album on his lap.

 _“Well? Come in,”_ he dusted off the album then proceeded to open it.  

          You closed the door behind you as you made your way into his room and towards his bed, “ _So, what’s that?_ ”

          You let yourself fall next to him, just like he did a few minutes ago on the couch. Your eyes slowly moved towards the item on his lap, a picture of the original RFA adorning the first page. There was Yoosung with his brown, short hair; then Jumin, his expression as stoic as ever, your eyes lingered on his face for a bit longer. Zen was right next to him, a sweet smile adorning his undeniably gorgeous face and Saeyoung was standing next to Yoosung with an uncharacteristic serious expression, and right in the middle were… V and Rika, smiling right at the camera.

          “ _Why are you showing me this?_ ” you said in a small voice.

          “ _I wanted to show you what the RFA was like, what V was like. You guys are truly special for me and I needed something to prove that this all wasn’t a dream; therefore I made this photo album. Now, I know you profusely dislike Rika but I think it’s a good idea to talk about this. For me, for you, and eventually for everyone in the RFA,”_ he mumbled the last part.

          Jumin and Seven didn’t want the others to know about the things that went down at Mint Eye and you disagreed instantly but promised to keep it a secret  _for the time being._  

           You two then started talking about the past parties and some the funny things that happened in the messenger. It wasn’t as lively as it was now but it didn’t mean they weren’t funny.

           Then Seven turned the page, revealing a picture of V, Rika, and Jumin sitting on a couch with Elizabeth the 3rd resting on your fiancé’s lap. You smiled as you saw Jumin in casual clothing, his hair slightly messy, a small smile adorning his face while his hand idly rested on Elizabeth’s back. All in all, he looked adorable. 

           “ _Oh! I remember that day!”_ Saeyoung pointed at Jumin’s face, grinning slightly.

          “ _What happened that day?”_ you tilted your head slightly in curiosity as you noticed Saeyoung’s eyes started shining.

          “ _That’s the day Jumin got Elly!”_  he grinned widely and looked over at you.

          “ _Oh, my! Really!? He looks really happy…”_ you trailed off, your mind suddenly filled with thoughts of the man you loved with your entire being.  

 _‘He must be at work right now,’_ you thought.

          “ _So what exactly happened!? How did he react!? Please tell me everything, Saeyoung!”_ you were so eager to hear about his adorable reaction.

          “ _Well, I wasn’t there **there**  but they sent this photo to the messenger. But I know what happened. It was Rika who gave her to him. They were at V’s apartment and he was really happy, even though he kept saying it wasn’t a big deal,” _he rolled his eyes.

          “ _Wait. So, Rika gave Elizabeth the 3 rd to him?”_ you weren’t exactly jealous but it made you feel uneasy. Still you were glad that Elizabeth was there to keep company to Jumin before you did.

****

**_5 p.m., Outside of Zen’s apartment_ **

           You waited for your friend to come out eagerly. He’d promised that he would take you for a ride on his motorcycle, despite Jumin’s constant reprimanding whenever you brought the subject up. Afterwards you two would just hang out at a bar and talk. And you did exactly that. 

           Time flew by as fast as it did with Seven. You had a great time riding your friend’s motorcycle. It was one of the biggest rushes you’ve ever felt in your life, besides those experienced behind closed doors at your lover’s apartment.

           You lost track of time completely when you were drinking and chatting. Zen always had been a great person to talk to. He was the  _one person_  you could always go to for advice and, to be honest, he was pretty fun.

 

**_11 p.m., Jumin’s penthouse_ **

           Saying that today had been a stressful day would be an understatement. One of the big deals he was working on had been dropped without previous notice, causing chaos to erupt in the office. That specific deal would’ve been of great use for the company.

           He stepped into your shared apartment and was immediately greeted by Elizabeth the 3rd’s meowing followed by an affectionate rub against his ankles. The man felt suffocated and fatigued, he had a headache and wanted nothing more than to come home to you and unwind.

           That’s when he noticed you weren’t home.

           ‘ _That’s strange,’_  he thought, checking his phone to see if he had any missed calls or messages from you after he noticed you only left a note that spelled “It’s my day off so I’ll be back later! Love you!”

           Just when he thought his day couldn’t get any worse.

**_1 a.m., Jumin’s apartment_ **

           Crap. It was really late and you just realized you had over 5 missed calls from Jumin.

           As quietly as you possibly could you unlocked this apartment door and stepped inside. You closed the door and placed the keys in your coat’s right pocket.  

           The moment you stepped into the living room he was there. Arms crossed with posture that screamed  _rage_. His face was the most emotionless he’s ever directed at you in a while.  

           ‘ _Crap,’_ was the only thing you could think.

           You only stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights, staring at him. You felt awful. It  _was late_ ; you totally forgot to call him or text him because you had such a great time. That was no excuse, though. You took a deep breath; ready to wholeheartedly apologize when he held a hand up.

           “ _Don’t even bother. Where were you?”_ his voice was like ice and it struck at your heart. He never spoke this way to you.

           But you still couldn’t even bring yourself to argue, not when you had some fault here, “ _I was with Seven organizing something for the party and then I hung out with Zen.”_

           Anger mixed with annoyance flashed across his face, but just as soon as it appeared, it was gone. You sighed and started walking up to your fiancé only for him to turn around and walk away, heading into his study.

           “ _I have some work to do, go to bed,”_  those were the last words he said before he shut the door behind him.

 

**_Three days later, Jumin’s apartment_ **

           No “good mornings” or  “goodnights” had been exchanged, no kisses or embraces, no loving words had left his lips ever since he shut the door of his study that night. Whatever attempt at a conversation you had was only filled by his ice-cold tone of voice accompanied by his stoic face and your hesitant voice. Every time you tried to touch him he successfully managed to evade you. 

           You’d heard from Jaehee what had happened with the other company and the deal that was dropped. You were sure that work would be extremely heavy for the next week at the very least and that you being home so late that night only made added up to his frustrations.  But still, you had apologized for not texting him about your whereabouts that day. He’d dismissed you.

           He had just gotten home and you were  _set_  on fixing things. You were standing in the hallway that connected the entrance with the living room, a shy smile adorning your face. You tried your best to hide your anxieties but it was proving more difficult when his cold gaze met your own.

           “ _Hello, love!”_  you walked over to him and tried to help him with his coat only to have him step back and do it himself.

           “ _Hello,”_  he said nonchalantly before walking past you and towards the living room, immediately picking Elizabeth he 3rd who had been resting on the couch. His eyes softened as he stroked her soft fur and you only felt your hurt growing.

           You shook your head in an attempt to clear your thoughts and made your way towards the couch, letting yourself fall right next to him, startling Elizabeth in the process, which made you feel a pang of guilt.

           “ _I made dinner tonight! I thought you would be hungry and I wanted to have some quality time with my soon-to-be husband!”_ you said in the brightest tone you could physically muster but the only thing you received was an angry scowl from him.

           “ _Can’t you be more careful? You scared Elizabeth the 3 rd,” _he looked back down at the feline, “ _Plus, I already ate at the office.”_

           That. Was. It.

           You were tired of this attitude of his. It was too painful. You missed a man that was right in front of you. You knew how difficult he could be at times but this was just ridiculous. What you had done was wrong but you apologized and he still acted this way? No. You wouldn’t have it anymore. You would never apologize for actually being with your friends and having fun.

You stood from your spot on the couch, crossed your arms, and your “happy girlfriend” façade broke, only revealing raw hurt. 

           “ _Okay, what **is your problem?** I’ve been trying my best here, Jumin. I know you’re trying to push me away. But guess what? It’s not happening. I want to make this right and you don’t seem to give a shit. I went out with my friends. So what!? I already said I was sorry! I already apologized for not texting you because unlike you I can see past other people’s mistakes and forgive.”_

           His hair covered those dark eyes of his and you could see his entire body tensing, “ _Stop being ridiculous, (y/n).”_

           At that he stood up and tried to walk past you but you grabbed his suit’s sleeve and he stopped in his tracks. 

           Slowly, he turned to face you and you were met with a look that screamed annoyance. You felt a knot in your throat as you fought hard to hold back a sob that was so desperately fighting to slip out.

           “ _What?”_ he raised an eyebrow and you just couldn’t take it anymore. 

           “ _Stop that! Stop this! It’s not my fault that you’re frustrated about work! Because instead of actually talking about it to me you decide to use a petty excuse to let out your frustrations on me. I know what happened! A deal was dropped and it screwed everything up! How is that my fault, Jumin? I just want to hear you out and support you and love you and you’re making it impossible!”_ those words jabbed at his heart and his pride.

           “ _Stop trying to act like you know me. You’ve only been here for a year and a half. Elizabeth has been here longer. What makes you believe you’re entitled to decide what I’m feeling?”_ he snatched his sleeve back and his right hand absentmindedly fiddled with it, “ _While you were out and about messing around with Zen I was trying hard to provide for you. And guess who was here for me? Elizabeth the 3 rd. You are…” _he trailed off when he noticed that hot tears started falling down your cheeks. You were biting your lip  _hard,_ blood starting to trickle down.

          He was still fuming, his feelings were a mess at the moment and the only thing he could fully register was your back slowly heading into the spare bedroom, shutting the door close behind you along with your emotions.


	2. Part 2

##  _Jumin’s POV_

The following days had been extremely dull. Three days to be precise. This man loved your smile more than anything. It made him feel warm; it gave him a sense of calmness that he couldn’t find elsewhere. And now all he saw was that expressionless face that conveyed not even the slightest tinge of emotion, at least not towards him. The roles had been reversed.

This man’s routine ever since your argument had been waking up and reaching out to the right side of the bed only to find it empty, which instantly filled his entire being with a sense of utter panic until he remembered that you’d made the guest room your  _temporary_ quarters. At least that’s what he hoped.

He also noticed that you started waking up before him because by the time he was ready to leave you were no longer in the penthouse. You’d been leaving simple “be back later” sticky notes on the door. Of course, he would’ve been significantly more worried hadn’t Seven called him to tell him that you were staying at his place. He was deeply grateful towards his, he would dare admit, friend for keeping an eye on the person he loved the most in this world. 

And when he finally came home from work you were already locked in your room only coming out to occasionally to grab some snacks before walking back to where you came from. You would be extremely silent, the sound of shuffling things coming from the kitchen being the only indicator that you were out of that cursed room.

In the chat, you would respond to everyone else but him. No one knew about your fight except Seven, who he’d hear you talk to whenever he walked past your room. All the emotion that he couldn’t see (or hear) when he was around would suddenly reappear. This was all thanks to him. He had been quite harsh that night, he had been extremely irrational and he knew it.

Jumin really tried to find a way to apologize with each passing day, but having you stay in the same room as him for more than 10 seconds was proving impossible and that scared him more than anything in the world. What if you couldn’t deal with the pain he’d caused? What if you decided to leave? What if you had enough? The only thought made his chest physically hurt.

He’d tried everything. From bringing you breakfast to bed to buying you ridiculously expensive gifts, the latter being a move of pure desperation. He was aware that buying you costly things would amount to nothing, at least when it came to situation such as this. You’d been kind enough to let him know that things as subjective and sensitive as forgiveness, love, and happiness could never be bought or mended by something as trivial as money.

He missed your touch like crazy; he missed your smile, your bright eyes, and your laughter. He missed you so much it was almost killing him. He could barely concentrate at work, often finding himself looking for the words to fully express his regret.

He’d been horrible to you; he’d seen the hurt in your eyes.  _For God’s sake, he even made you cry._ He couldn’t forgive himself so how could he even expect you to forgive him.

The man felt extremely selfish for wanting your forgiveness, for even daring to feel hurt when you were so cold to him. Maybe it was because you were always nothing but kind and loving towards him.

That night he’d come home relatively early and wasn’t surprised when you weren’t there. He expected as much.

He loosened his tie before carelessly throwing his coat on the couch and making his way into his room. Once he shut the door he let out a loud groan of frustration. Work had been hectic ever since the other company dropped their deal and to top everything, he’d been smart enough to successfully push away his number one source of happiness.

He was currently going over your fight for what seemed the thousandth time that day and it wasn’t until his eyes landed on a certain  _book_  that his mind stopped looking for answers.

‘ _Oh,’_  was the only thing he thought before walking towards his bookshelf and grabbing the book his best friend’s lover, Rika, had given him a long time ago.

It took him a while to process what he’d just discovered in such a sudden way. Jumin Han was good at many things, but expressing and processing his feelings was something he was vastly lacking in.

* * *

##  _Your POV_

You were finally home from Seven’s place. The both of you had been going over things for the oncoming RFA party. Well, at least  _you_ tried. You found yourself being lost in thought more than you cared to admit.

Being so cold towards your fiancé was proving extremely hard for you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to smile at him. It physically pained you to even look him in the eye. His words had been like poison to you and you just needed as much space as you could get. He’d openly accused you of cheating, he compared you to an animal and the more you thought about it the less you believed he referred to Elizabeth herself.

Indeed, Seven’s words had been bugging you ever since the fight. Of course they had. How could they not?

>    _“Well, I wasn’t there **there**  but they sent this photo to the messenger. But I know what happened. It was Rika who gave her to him. They were at V’s apartment and he was really happy, even though he kept saying it wasn’t a big deal…”_

You closed your eyes as you shut the penthouse door. Walking towards the living room you were surprised to see his expensive coat lying on the couch. He was home early. Letting out a shaky breath you rubbed your now aching temples with your fingertips. You weren’t ready to face Jumin just yet. Thinking of him still made your heart ache.

Still, eventually you would need to face him and neither of you had had a real talk. To be fair, you hadn’t even given him the chance to do so. It was just really hard for you to hear whatever he had to say.

There were only a couple of times that you two “exchanged words”, the first one being when you dropped your fork, startling him. He asked you if you were okay soon afterwards to which you gave him a short hum of affirmation.

You were about to make your way to your room when you remembered that Seven had asked you if he could borrow one of your shirts to which you promptly agreed. So, after three days of refusing to go into your shared bedroom, you quietly turned the knob. To be honest, you assumed he would be in his study working, since that’s what he tended to do for an hour or so whenever he left work early.

‘ _So hard working’,_ you thought, a smile threating to appear on your face, as you stepped into the enormous room.

It was then when you saw him, Jumin Han, sitting on the edge of your bed with a book in his hands.

Your heart stopped.  _That book._

Of course he’d told you about it when you were moving your belongings into his apartment. You were going through his bookshelf and fate had you choose that book. His reaction was immediate. He was quick to be by your side and carefully take the book from your hands. Jumin then proceeded to explain its meaning, which you decided to respect. Maybe it had the last essence of the old Rika, his, you thought, dear friend.

But now… now you weren’t so sure you could look at it that way anymore.

> _“I don’t want to finish since it’s the last gift I received from her.”_
> 
> _“Stop trying to act like you know me. You’ve only been here for a year and a half. Elizabeth has been here longer. (…) While you were out and about messing around with Zen I was trying hard to provide for you. And guess who was here for me? Elizabeth the 3rd. (…)”_
> 
> _“It was Rika who gave her to him!”_

It wasn’t that hard to put the pieces together. You felt your body grow numb as you, little by little, started stepping closer to him.  He was so intently focused on his book that he hadn’t even noticed your presence. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you were right behind him. That’s when you saw something that made whatever air was left in your lungs, disappear.  

Tears were slowly running down his beautiful face as the tips of his fingers hovered over the tear stained pages of the old book.

You’d never seen him cry before. Not when he discovered there was a bomb in  _her_  apartment, not when poor Saeran was forced to kidnap you, not even before or after V’s funeral. He hadn’t let you see him. You respected his privacy, but this… crying over someone like  _her_. You couldn’t help but feel angry.

It was hard for you to be confrontational, especially towards him. He was so innocent in so many ways and kind and you loved him with everything you had. You tried to keep your emotions in check, trying hard to think of something civilized to say, that is, until he opened his mouth.

“ _Rika…_ ” he whispered, in a voice that conveyed nothing but longing, hurt, and betrayal.

A knot suddenly appeared in your throat, tears quickly accumulating in your eyes, ready to spill and run down your color-drained cheeks.

“ _I see now,_ ” your voice came out as a mere whisper, afraid that if you spoke any louder it would break and reveal just how deeply you’d been hurt.

His back straightened promptly after he heard your voice, book snapping shut. Even the way he wiped his tears was elegant, which made you let out a grim but soft chuckle. Slowly, he stood from his place and turned to face you. He wore the same expressionless mask he used to wear when you two first met, successfully making your chest ache.

“ _(y/n), when did you get here?”_ he even sounded cool and calm.

Silence followed as the light in your eyes slowly started fading, leaving behind only raw pain. It was as if he hadn’t just said that crazy woman’s name in a way that conveyed more than just friendly feelings.

“ _Give me that book,_ ” you said quietly. You wanted to see if he would be willing to give it to you.

“ _(y/n)…  What you just saw… How much did you―, “_ he said, his fingers pressing harder against the book’s cover.

“ _I see,_ ” you repeated yourself, “ _Mr. Han, I think… I won’t be staying here anymore seeing as you clearly have someone else in your heart. Someone who understands you, who you miss.”_

His eyes widened and his face paled in dread the moment your words left your quivering lips.

Before he could speak again, you continued, “ _It’s okay. If you feel that way towards the woman who killed your best friend, who kidnapped Saeran, drugged him, abused him, separated him from his twin, and committed countless of other sins… Then I won’t get in your way.”_  

A quiet and strained sob managed to escape your lips, your hand immediately covering your mouth. You started backing away towards the door slowly, already feeling both dizziness and numbness take over your body.

“ _But… if it’s not too much to ask,_ ” you took a deep breath, trying your best to steady your now nasal voice, “ _I’m not ready just yet to give you this ring back. Please give me time to―, “_ this time it was him who interrupted you by letting the book fall on the floor and in five long strides he was before you, his hands on your shoulders, pressing you flush against his chest.

The first thing you noticed was that he was trembling, the second thing was that, in your efforts to push him away, something wet managed to fall on your cheeks. You looked up only to find fresh tears streaming down his face, accentuating his metallic-looking eyes. His grip on you became stronger, but you didn’t feel threatened. You were reminded of a desperate child clinging to their mother. Someone clinging onto dear life for someone they couldn’t live without. It tugged at your heart and made you feel guilty. Still, you couldn’t… you just couldn’t. You made yet another mediocre attempt to push him away to which he said in a broken voice, “ _Don’t leave._ ”

It was a plea. Little by little you stopped attempting to break free. You hadn’t given him the chance to explain himself. You hadn’t been fair back then at giving him a chance to talk. This wasn’t you. You weren’t petty like this. No matter how hurt you were. You just couldn’t bear to see someone you hold so dear to you in such state.

“ _Then what, Jumin? What else do you want me to say? I know who gave you that book. I know who gave you Elizabeth, I know now one of the main reasons why you held that cat so close to your heart. Why you didn’t even let me look through that book. The way you said her name for fucks sake! That psychopathic bitch doesn’t deserve any of the sympathy you or Saeyoung are giving her by not telling the others what she did! She’s the one who deserved to die, not V! And yet here you are, crying over someone who took everything from two precious persons,_ ” you took a deep breath before continuing, “ _I’m not telling you not to feel. I’m not telling you that crying over someone or something’s wrong. Just… why her? Why say her name in such a longing way!? How could you ever feel sympathy and longing towards someone as awful as her? H-How c-could you…”_ you trailed off, trying your best not to break into a mess.

“ ** _H-How c-could you… t-tell me th-that someone like her w-was capable of u-understanding you better than I-I e-ever could…?_** _”_  your now wide eyes stared intensely into his own, desperate for an answer.

“ _Answer me this, Han Jumin,_ ” you paused briefly, “ _did you ever have feelings for Rika?”_


	3. Part 3

“ _Answer me this, Han Jumin,_ ” you paused briefly, “ _did you ever have feelings for Rika?”_

You could see how his eyes widened fractionally. He was good at keeping his facial expressions at bay, it’s a talent he picked up as he got deeper and deeper into his career. Controlling your emotions, molding them to fit the situation, and taking advantage of other people’s emotions and interests to make things go your way. That’s something he was amazing at.

It was hard to read him sometimes, because, realistically speaking, you didn’t stand a chance at understanding what he felt whenever he  _actually tried_  to hide his emotions from you. It rarely happened, him hiding his emotions that is. But when it did, it completely flew over your head until he started snapping at other people.

Still, this time, it was different. It’s like you had a sudden moment of clarity in which you felt like you could read him like an open book. Honestly, you just didn’t know what happened or what took over, but you just  _knew._

“ _You still haven’t answered,”_ you said in a quiet tone.

_**Jumin’s POV** _

His eyes were trained on you. He was taken aback by your question, he was shocked at how suddenly he was forced into dealing with his feelings.

This was a conversation you two never had before, this was something new. This was something he wasn’t ready to discuss with you. He wasn’t prepared. And at the moment, he was scared  _shitless_ of losing you. Of never seeing you again. Because even he knew that the words he chose, would determine his future with you.

But no words could leave his mouth. His lips were dry, his still glossy eyes looking desperately into yours, trying hard to say something, anything.

_Nothing._

He could practically see your heart breaking before his eyes and could feel his doing so too in the process.

Apparently, you decided that he took long enough to answer, so once again, he saw you back away from him, this time with more force.

**_Your POV_ **

Silence. That’s all you received when you asked your question. And it felt like a slap across your face. And, to be honest, it was enough to let you know what he really felt. Or maybe it wasn’t. But at the moment, you didn’t want to be rational, to think straight, or to be forgiving. You wanted to let your emotions loose.

“ _Hahaha…”_ you started chuckling bitterly, trying hard to do anything but cry, “ _I see, hahaha, you did and odds are…”_ you took a deep breath, “ ** _you still do_** _.”_

He stayed quiet which only made you angrier and broke your heart further. An ominous silence overcame the room and the atmosphere felt, if it was even possible, tenser. And Jumin looked like he wanted to hold you in his arms and busted at the same time. Until…

“ _I don’t think I want this, anymore.”_

You no longer cared. You felt broken. You felt tired. You felt numb.

* * *

**_Jumin’s POV_ **

That was enough to snap him back to reality.

He felt bile rise up in his throat as he saw you pulling your engagement ring out of its rightful place, carelessly throwing it somewhere inside the room. He felt like all the air was knocked out of him when he heard the soft  _clink_ of the precious item falling against the marble floor.

“ _Don’t leave me,_ ” was the first thing he said.

“ _That seems to be the only thing you know how to say,”_  you said with an icy tone of voice.

“ _You know… You know how I feel about you! For God’s sake, (y/n)!”_ he started losing his composure at this point and honestly, he no longer cared. He genuinely didn’t want to lose you. He felt like he was going crazy.

And he was angry at you for assuming that he didn’t love you enough and angry at himself for allowing you to feel that way. He wasn’t used to feeling such strong emotions in such a short amount of time. It was hard to control himself.

Raw desperation was something he never felt before. Not like this. He felt like if you walked out the door, you would never come back. And that scared him more than anything in the world. He couldn’t lose someone else. He couldn’t lose you. His precious gem. He would do anything, say anything, to keep you close. And so, he did.

“ _I never thought about my emotions towards her because she was never supposed to be mine! And aside from that, I truly thought that she was the only woman who truly understood me! Before Rika… I couldn’t find anyone who’d make me feel comfortable.”_

He looked at your face as he spoke and it conveyed pure  _disgust_ , but he wouldn’t let you speak. Not yet.

“ _I thought she was special. Until I met Rika, all the women around me just liked to flatter me… So, I thought highly of a woman who spent her life trying to help others. The fact that I didn’t have anything she wanted made me feel free, comfortable, innocent. Because I felt as if she was seeing the real me. Since she was Jihyun’s girlfriend… I couldn’t like her! I thought she was good and pure and now… Now I know it was all a lie. It was all a farce.”_

His chest was heaving, his eyes were staring into your own with desperation  _still_  present in them.

* * *

**_Your POV_ **

Saying that you felt overwhelmed would be a complete understatement.

You felt… and that’s thing. You didn’t know what to feel. It was too much for you to handle at the moment.

You decided to let your mouth run. To let it say whatever it wanted without caring about the consequences.

“ _So I’m just a consolation price. You couldn’t get the girl of your fucking dreams because she turned psycho and, **oh right** , she was already taken by your  **best friend who she m-u-r-d-e-r-e-d**  and because you decided that loving your cat wasn’t enough. So you just decided to get the first easy, foolish girl you stumbled upon.”_

You  _knew_  your words were killing him, you knew he just opened up about his true emotions, about the things that had been eating at him. Of course you already knew most of the things that bothered him, but you never thought Rika would be one of them. At least not in this way.

“ ** _I’m just Rika’s replacement._** _You only chose me because I’m the coordinator of this stupid organization which, by the way, is still named after her! I was forced to stay at her apartment. I bet you just see her in me. I bet that’s just what you want from me. And at some point, you’ll get tired because I won’t be able to ‘fill her shoes’, not that I’d ever want to, and toss me aside. That’s what will happen. Because you love the idea of her! Because if I hadn’t appeared as the fucking coordinator, if you had met me elsewhere, you would’ve simply cast me aside! **I don’t want to marry someone who’s in love with someone else!** ”_ your voice completely broke towards the end. You were completely out of breath and tears were now freely running down your cheeks. And you could only stare at the man before you.

His eyes were teary once more, but you were sure he was trying his best to not let them spill. His hand reached out to you, trying to get a hold of your hand, but you snatched it back before he even got the chance to lay a finger on you.

“ _Don’t touch me.”_

You were being irrational. You were being a bitch. But you had enough. You were  _done_. You held so much hatred towards the blonde, towards that snake, for all that she’d done that you no longer cared. Yes, she was mentally ill, she had deep issues and a tragic past, but that  _didn’t excuse her actions._ It didn’t excuse her kidnapping Saeran, turning him against Seven, lying to your best friend, and  _above everything_ being the reason Kim Jihyun died. The memory still struck at your heart. You saw how the light left his eyes, you saw how his body slowly but surely became limp. So  **no**. No. You weren’t going to do this.

“ _(Y/n) … p-please,”_ his voice faltered. Something that, again, rarely happened. Once again, his arms reached out to you.

“ _I SAID, DON’T TOUCH ME! JUMIN, FUCK! DON’T TOUCH ME!”_  your breathing was getting out of control and you could already feel a hole forming in your chest. It was a weird feeling because you felt a hole and at the same time some sort of heaviness in it.

“ _You’re being irrational! Please, didn’t you listen to me!?”_  he bellowed. He was astonished by the fact that you completely lost it.

“ _I D-DID, IN FACT, JUMIN! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT!? I SAW YOUR BEST. FRIEND. DIE. I SAW HIM DIE. I SAW THE LIGHT LEAVE HIS E-EYES, I SAW HIS FACE SLOWLY TURNING PALE! I SAW IT ALL! I SAW HOW HIS BODY WENT L-LIMP. AND I COULD DO **NOTHING** BUT WATCH! I COULDN’T DO SHIT! I COULD…”_

You started sobbing uncontrollably, trying hard to make your words coherent.

“ _If you think that event only messed up Rika or you or the rest of the RFA… then you’re wrong. It also messed me up. You have no idea… You have no idea how it feels to see someone die and knowing you can’t do anything to save them! I was **there**  and I couldn’t do anything! And you… You and everyone else goes around feeling pity towards that crazy fucking bitch!”_

He could only stare. The two of you had just completely opened up about your feelings. You’d certainly never told him this. You’d never told anyone. Not even Saeyoung.

You felt exhaustion slowly take over, you felt extremely lightheaded, and you were afraid of fainting. You didn’t want to.

* * *

**_Jumin’s P.O.V_ **

He too felt overwhelmed. It was too much. His feelings and yours. And quite frankly, he no longer cared if you didn’t want him to touch you. The man reached out to you and pressed you tightly against his body. He could feel you were trembling, bad. And you were still sobbing.

You were a  **mess** and so was he.

In another situation, your stubbornness and your constant efforts to physically push him away would’ve been cute, but right now, they just broke him further.

“ _Stop,”_  he said in that commanding voice of his. A voice that was never directed to you.

“ _Please don’t push me away. Please don’t leave me. Please listen to me.”_

It’s not like you had that much of a choice, since his arms had a strong grip on you, though not strong enough to harm you.

“ _Don’t. I don’t want to hear it…”_ you said.

“ _You **will never be**  and  **never were**  anyone’s replacement. You are mine and I’m  **completely yours.** Please understand that Rika was special to me and that I didn’t know about her plans or her true self. I had no one, I felt lost. I had Jihyun and Rika and that’s it. I had no one else. I had my dad. But… Rika and Jihyun were… so special to me. I can’t help that. I didn’t know about all the sins she committed. I didn’t know. Please understand that you were never her replacement,” _his thumb started wiping away the tears from your cheeks, since all you could do at the moment was tiredly stare at him.

“ _I understand where all that anger and resentment comes from. I do. I understand because it sometimes takes over me too. It was really hard to deal with my feelings for Rika and now they’re all mixed up and the only thing **completely clear** to me is my love and adoration for you. If you’re wondering about that book… it’s something she gave me a long time ago. And I figured that if I finished it the remaining threads around me would untangle. (Y/n) you’re… you’re my everything. If you leave I’d be left a broken man. I can’t lose you. I cannot not have you in my life. You are what saved me. I chose you but you also chose me. You never have to fill anyone’s shoes because you are enough, more than enough, more than I deserve. It is… quite hard to me to completely express myself. But believe me, my love, that I’d be desperate if I ever lost you. And that’s it. The difference is that you are  **good**. That you are pure and beautiful and I am lucky to have you. I’m lucky.”_

At this point your struggling completely ceased and his lips were hovering over yours.

“ _You… are the person I want to spend the rest of my days with.”_

He carefully sat you on the bed and made his way towards the bookshelf where your ring had landed, grabbed it, and walked back to you.

Jumin knelt in front of you and carefully held your hand, slowly slipping the engagement ring on. Feeling enormous relief when you made no effort to stop him. When you looked at him with pure sadness and love and happiness. You looked as overwhelmed as he probably did.

“ _I’m…”_ his voice was slightly shaky, “ _I’m sorry you had to witness Jihyun’s death. I’m sorry I never considered your feelings.”_

* * *

**Your P.O.V**

Just as he was apologizing you realized how much of a bitch you’d been. You’d been irrational and  _you knew_ , but you still did it and that just made you feel awful. But at the same time, you were glad because you spilled everything you’ve been keeping to yourself for everyone else’s sake. Because everyone had too much on their plates already. You were glad you let everything spill because you just felt completely insecure whenever it came to Rika.

And when you registered the slight tremble of his voice your arms completely enveloped your future husband. Your hands slowly sunk into his hair, pressing his face against your chest, and holding onto him for dear life.

“ _No. I… I’m sorry. I just kept everything to myself. I never stopped to consider how you felt. I never stopped to consider that you felt and still feel conflicted, that you also needed me. And I’m so sorry for throwing this precious ring. I’m sorry for stomping on this sacred proof of our love. I would be lost without you too. I… I’m sorry I took for granted everything you feel for me. I’m sorry for even implying that you didn’t care about your best friend or Saeyoung or Saeran. I’m sorry I said all those awful words. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. It was me projecting my insecurities and my hurt and it wasn’t right.”_

You pressed a soft kiss on top of his head, then slowly tipped his head upwards, your eyes staring once again into his.

“ _Will you forgive me, Jumin?”_

_“Just as long as you forgive me, my queen.”_

You felt heat spread across your face and the heaviness in your chest started gradually disappearing. All that was left was an incredible need for Han Jumin. So, before you knew it, three words left your mouth.

“ _Please take me.”_

* * *

This time it wasn’t as it usually was. Sensual, slow. It was rushed and carnal and needy.

His face was currently buried between your legs and your head was tilted back, soft whimpers constantly escaping your lips. Your back arching as his tongue lapped over and over your wet entrance. His fingers were tightly gripping at your thighs while your own were desperately tugging at his hair, sometimes even pushing him closer against you.

“ _E-Enough… J-Jumin… Please… I need you inside me. P-Please,”_ you tried closing your legs only to have him mercilessly separate them and take one last long lick at your folds then proceeding to kneel before you.

“ _Anything you want, princess,”_ he said between soft, almost inaudible gasps for air.

You watched as his fingers slowly encircled his erection, watched as he started rubbing his tip against your entrance over and over. His eyes shut, reveling in the sensation.

“ _St-Stop teasing,”_ you whined and before you got the chance to complain again, he was thrusting himself in and out of you hard and fast with his face buried in your neck. Your nails were digging into his back, soft moans leaving your lips with every thrust as your legs wrapped around his waist.

“ _F-Fuck, baby… Baby, yes, I’m close…”_ you managed to whisper against his ear.

At that he pulled out and carefully turned you around, loving the moment you raised your ass up. It looked so perfect and he just couldn’t resist.

_Smack._

That earned a particularly loud mewl from you.

“ _Say my name,”_ he grunted as the tip of his cock hovered at your entrance.

“ _Oh my… Fuck…”_ you gasped as he purposely started thrusting his tip in and out with slow thrusts.

“ _Hmm… I’ll fill you up as soon as I hear my name leave those pretty lips of yours,”_ he leaned down and brushed his lips between your shoulder blades, which only made shivers run down your spine.

“ _Mmm… J-Jumin,”_ you whimpered, your fingers clawing desperately at the bed sheets.

“ _I can’t hear you, princess,”_ he ran his tongue up and down your skin before slapping your ass one more time.

“ _Fuck! Jumin! Jumin, fuck me! I want to feel your cock inside me, please, please,”_ you begged as your hips started thrusting in hopes of rubbing against his erection, you were just desperate for relief.

“ _Good girl,”_  he tangled his hand in your hair before pulling your head back and ramming his throbbing cock into your needy entrance.

Eventually his pace started becoming faster and his thrusts harder, almost desperate. And you knew that he was close too.

“ _Fuck, love, you’re so good,”_  he mumbled more to himself than to anyone else, too caught up in the enormous pleasure he was feeling, “ _Fuck…”_

His arms wrapped tightly around your mid-body as his lips suckled on your neck and the only prospect of feeling him so needy,  _sounding_ so needy, brought you to the edge. An involuntary moan escaping you. And when he felt your pussy clench around him he hit his own high, releasing deep inside of you.

* * *

His arms were wrapped tightly around you, his face hidden in your hair. The feeling of your hands on top of his and your skin against his own bringing him huge comfort.

This moment was pure bliss. You talking to him about the things he missed out in all those days you two didn’t talk, him breathing in your scent, and some soft, calming tune in the background.

“ _I love you,”_  he mumbled.

“ _I love you too…”_ you responded.

If only things could stay like this forever…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_RIIIIINNNNNGGGGG_ **

**_RIIIIINNNNNGGGGG_ **

**_RIIIIINNNNNNGGGG_ **

He let out an exasperated sigh as the sound of his ringtone reached his ears. Jumin pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance before pressing a kiss against your temple, “ _This might be an emergency, love. I must take this call.”_

“ _I understand, baby. Go take it,”_ you offered him one of your angelic smiles before letting your head fall back on the pillow, your eyes following him.

The tall man looked for his phone in the pocket of his suit jacket, which had been thrown against the floor. Without even checking who the caller was he answered the phone.

“ _This is Han Jumin, state your name and business,”_ you shot your eyebrows up mockingly, to which he allowed himself to smirk at you.

But that smirk soon vanished when the person on the other end of the line spoke, “ _Good day, Mr. Han. This is the Alaska Psychiatric Institute and we were given your number as an emergency contact. It’s about Rika Kim.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the riiiing part lmao


End file.
